i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
