Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
