I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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