I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
