Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
