Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
