he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize