You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
