When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
