I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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