If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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