i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
