did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
