so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
