Moan for me like Helen Keller
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
