I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
