who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
