i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize