So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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