You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
