Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
