Moan for me like Helen Keller
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
