I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
