How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
