Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
