HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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