My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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