I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
