How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
