i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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