in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
