Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
