cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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