I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
