I love black thongs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
