if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
