All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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