u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
