Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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