I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
