i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
