The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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