He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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