I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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