Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
