Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
