You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
