I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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