i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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