I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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