How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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