I just saw a hot homeless man
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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