Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
