I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
