he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
