...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
