SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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