What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
