yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
