Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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