I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
