Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
