so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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