Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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