I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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