Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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