Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
As shirtless as possible
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
