Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
