Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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