I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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