We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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