I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
