I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
40s are totally the cure
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
